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紐約上西城小傳5__Yellow Fever:台灣女孩vs.中國女人

2009-01-20 06:35迴響:5點閱:7682

   「Yellow Fever」意思是黃皮膚的東方女性大受歐洲與美國男人歡迎,隨著越來越多亞洲女性到西方國家留學、工作、生存,成為一種明顯趨勢.........

*******

    現在我坐在紐約上西城的Starbucks,和我過去每天去的台北南京東路Starbucks不同的是窗景。我坐在落地窗前,窗外大雪紛飛,落在樹上綴成白色枝枒、落在磚紅大樓鋪成白色屋簷、落在黑色柏油路上結成Black Ice,落在路過行人的帽簷與身上,很喜歡我眼前如同大螢幕的流動街景。

    在這冷雪天,我的活動從戶外變成室內,經常只是在曼哈頓、在布魯克林、在紐約上州和新認識的朋友聊天。對我來說,紐約最精彩的還是人物。其中很特別的是,最近話題總是不經意就會繞到「Yellow Fever」。意思是黃皮膚的東方女性大受歐洲與美國男人歡迎,隨著越來越多亞洲女性到西方國家留學、工作、生存,成為一種明顯趨勢,Yellow Fever這個詞已經很多年了。據說美國交友網站match.com最流行的搜尋關鍵字就是Asia Woman。

    我想這篇小傳一定會挨罵,可能刻板印象就是亞洲女人溫順,很好上手。要不然就是亞洲女生虛榮,搭上白人,總是落得不好聽的字眼,最常被討論就是鄧文迪搭上媒體大亨梅鐸的傳奇,以及最近的章子怡飽受攻擊的偷拍新聞。關於異國戀情,現在的社會已經是健康開放許多了。但現在日常上演、最具衝突性的故事是,許多台灣女人沒想到她們經常遇到的競爭對手是中國女人,尤其是上海女人。沒想到我聽的故事,已經從台灣人到大陸工作,學習管理中國人、學習和中國人成為同事,接受中國人成為大中華區總裁,然後從工作的戰場轉變成愛情的戰場,尤其在紐約。

    以30幾歲(Thirty something)的女人來說,大約是台灣的六年級生,成長於台灣平均GDP一萬美元的小康社會。「父親總是對我說,人生最重要的是生活,做你想做的事。記得是『生活』不是『生存』,」這是許多台灣女孩的共同經驗。被父親呵護寵愛長大的公主溫柔、體貼、善良、孩子氣,追求的就只是愛情本身。談起愛情認真,就是希望有人愛、有人陪,不論年紀多大,心裡年齡總像長不大的女孩。如果好的說法是,台灣女人乖巧、溫柔,不好的說法就是總要人疼,無法掌握人情世故。

    沒想到紐約這個供需流動性高的單身社會,男人早就身經百戰,閱人無數,從俄羅斯、土耳其、保加利亞、委瑞內拉到日本、中國或台灣,聰明年輕的女性如候鳥川流不息。美國社會的離婚率早就超過五○%,從菁英教授、各類律師、華爾街交易員、到餐廳酒吧的老闆及在服飾店工作卻是畫家的男人,戀愛的經驗總是豐富些。

    相較於小家碧玉的台灣女孩,中國女人總是有手腕些,大膽些。一九七○年代左右的中國女人,成長於平均GDP不到二千美元的中國,但整個中國各地的貧富差距大,能夠到紐約,有的是家裡環境好,有的不一定出身富裕,但一定是見過世面,心裡有一種出國的強烈渴望,成就動機強。優點是勇敢、大氣、獨立,但是人也膽大,有六分本錢做十分的生意;另一方面,現實感強,心機較多。現在的中國,傾全國之力,追求中國強盛;現在的中國人,窮一生之力,追求個人富裕。中國沒有其他平衡的價值系統,例如傳統的儒家思想或是宗教信仰。彼此深交後,總發現有人喜歡在金錢上、在關係上佔便宜 (take advantage)。如果好的說法是,中國女人獨立、自信。不好的案例會是,有時為達目的,能夠犧牲自己滿足對方的需求。

    現在美國對於台灣女性申請美國簽證還是比中國女性容易些,比較相信不是為了綠卡而結婚。

    或許是成長的差異,一但遇到競爭關係,因為教養、因為罪惡感、因為自尊心強,台灣女孩經常縮手或落敗,然後吃虧的說,「算了吧,我知道鬥不過!」。極端的例子,中國女人勝出的原因倒不是一般人想的美色或是Sex,而是對於透過戀情,有機會更上一層樓的目標性格與企圖。台灣女孩經常咬牙說的例子是鄧文迪從十幾歲就能從一個廣東鄉下女孩,經過三任戀情,讓兩任男人離婚,成為梅鐸的妻子,如今梅鐸最大的挑戰仍是繼承的鬥爭。

    當然很多的故事是中國男生喜歡台灣女孩的溫柔,但我說的是西方男性與亞洲女性的故事。或許我寫的故事有點斷章取義,至少是許多台灣女孩的親身經歷。

    另一方面又得附註,我在這裡認識一個很出色的山東女孩,清華經管學院畢業,才23歲,有著大氣,十分難得。愛情本來就沒什麼道理可說,總是願打願挨。如果有讀者有不同的觀點平衡,有不同的故事回響,那更歡迎。

**東西文化差異

    除了Yellow Fever的故事, 因為文化差異,我當然有時會發生驚險的事。有一天跟著朋友參加聚會,一位六十五歲上下的美國教授抱著兩個月大的嬰兒,她長得好可愛,我一邊和教授聊天,一邊逗她玩。我隨口問,「她好可愛,這是誰的小孩?」教授說,「我的。」我差點脫口說,「Are you kidding?」但我不知哪根筋急轉彎,改口比較和緩說,「Really?」但他臉上表情已經不悅說,「Yes。」我真的以為他開玩笑,完全沒想到是真的。現在美國離婚率超過五○%,如果再婚,又有勇氣再生育。我看著小嬰孩的臉龐,想著她的未來,不知如何感想。

     如果我問美國朋友,西方與東方對婚姻的差別,她會說東方女孩太認真,美國人約會就只是約會,經常被東方人交往半年,就要求以結婚為前提嚇到,但她對現在美國人對於婚姻態度,也是非常困惑。我順便問了英國人,他想了想回答,婚姻還是令人困惑,並不容易;但英國人如果有外遇,是絕口不會讓別人知道,非常祕密。

    這是應朋友要求寫的文章,太久沒上稿,這種愛情是非的文章,下次應該不會有了。這只是故事,不是定論,Take Easy,Have fun!

    現在抬頭,滿眼都是紛雪,路上積雪已深,應該回家了。我這兩天一直對日常生活就在雪景裡,覺得很新奇!

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引用:http://blog.chinatimes.com/cheers2000/archive/2009/01/20/369732.html
2009-01-20 06:35作者:吳琬瑜分類:New Yorker 紐約上西城小傳迴響:5點閱:7682

迴響與引用列表

回應: 紐約上西城小傳5__Yellow Fever:台灣女孩vs.中國女人

1."yellow fever" in disguise
In the book Racial Paranoia, John L.Jackson argues that as overt expressions of racism have been shamed from the public square, racist sentiment has gone underground, deep into people's hearts instead of on their sleeves. This makes it difficult, even impossible, for African Americans to know exactly what non-blacks are thinking or feeling behind the smiles, a condition that can turn even blatant satire into something opaque and ambiguous.
The reason that I am not really into white guys is that they may say love before knowing you much. Even worse, there may be "racist sentiment" in their heart which you couldn't tell from a hug or a kiss. Of course, this kind of opaque and ambiguous "yellow fever" wouldn't last long.
On the other hand, with increasing witness of smart Asian women, white guys may want to know these women who have inside-out charm, exquisit minds and exotic stories. I don't think they go over this process by seperating Taiwanees and Chinese. And I personally don't believe they are smart enough to do so.

2. "Generalization" is a quick sketch.
If you want to draw a quick sketch, no one will expect zero distortion. What you stated is a fair representation of certain mindset. Opinions are all based on time periods, personal perspective, and former experiences. I'd like the way you discard trivial things, otherwise you couldn't get the big picture.
But I truly think the big picture will be somehow quite different from our generation. With the time and energy we spent for our dreams, it's irrational to hand on our future to white guys' hands or anyone's hands. It's also obviously natural to be ashamed of using indecent tricks. But there will still be extreme cases, people without dreams and people without dignity. I coudn't speak for them. Let them rest in hell.

BTW, I think I do confuse you with my hometown, though I lived in Shangdong for many years, I still consider Heilongjiang as my hometown. Shandong doesn't snow enough:)






2009-01-28 14:00 K

回應: 紐約上西城小傳5__Yellow Fever:台灣女孩vs.中國女人

what a stink article!! I do not agree with you using vague generalization, paradoxical arguments, and discriminated connotations.

also, please be careful using the term 'yellow fever', which is not fun and anecdotal, it is strong language containing discrimination.

2009-01-21 07:01 M

回應: 紐約上西城小傳5__Yellow Fever:台灣女孩vs.中國女人

是什麼原因讓你有這麼多的體會呢?
真是耐人尋味啊....

2009-01-20 17:41 喬一思

回應: 紐約上西城小傳5__Yellow Fever:台灣女孩vs.中國女人

Hi, Miss Wu:

Thanks for sharing us your interesting story in NY!

First, I echo frances's view.
1.3 billion v.s. 23 million people tells us that it's not the fair game from the start. But we got to accept that life is not fair anyway. We, as Taiwaness, are lucky in a way that we got the chance to see the world. If we were born in Mainland China, I bet some of us (maybe myself) will never had such a chance-- simply because it's very likely that there will be smarter/more competitive people in front of us. My point makes sense on the statistical ground in eugenics (of course there are always exceptions).

So, in this sense the Chinese students who are in top Univ. in U.S. SHOULD be more competitive than the Taiwness students ON AVERAGE because they were slected among 1.3 billion people while we were selected only among 23 million.

From my experience in an Ivy League Univ. for several years as a PhD student in late 90's and early 2000's, I witnessed the rise and fall of the Chinese and Taiwaness students in US. As the president of Taiwaness students association, I noticed that every year the number of Chinese students incraesed by significant amount while it decreased a lot on the Taiwaness side. The Chinese students dominated the international students every where in every major Univ. in U.S.. This is just a FACT.

But this does not mean that we are always the losers. I think our advantage is-- we were educated in a relatively less
polically poluted system (compared to China). Taiwan is on the intersection among different cultures--traditional Chinese/Taiwness culture, Japaness culture and the American one. Any Taiwaness has an easy access to these different cultures if he/she wants. I think we have much more freedom in our life styles.

Therefore, we MIGHT (not always) have a better chance to understand and respect people from different cultures. I think an open mind to different cultures would definitely be a big help for forigners as educated persons to stay in the U.S..

Unfortunately, money, power, and fame are what most people in the world look for. But I think the world is not just about competition. I believe there is something more than that-- that is the quality of a person and quality of life, which is worthwhile searching for and which can not be measured easily in $ or superficial success.

As for the "ambitious" Chinese women, I am sympothetic to them as I guess they eagerly want to get rid of poverty (from their childhood experience). Being rich might be the only goal in their life. Ok, they got the money and the white guy to love them. Good for them! But so what? If they use tricks to marry the rich white men, so be it. If that rich white man can be easily manupulated by the Chinese woman, you better not marry him for the sake of your own happiness.
I still believe that marriage is NOT a trade or exchange if you want a true happiness. So, there is no need to envy them unless one agrees with their views.

But I think gradually the Chinese in China and overseas will start to appreciate different values other than $ once they have the $. 正所謂"富而好禮". If we look back to our Taiwaness history in recent years, it was quite similar. Some people called westernized Taiwaness/Chinese as "banana"-外黃內白. So I think it is part of our human nature, independent of ethnic groups/countries.

In short, I think as a Taiwaness (or a Chinese in the culture sense) in U.S., we should have confidence in our identity. The white Americans will NEVER treat colored people as their fellow citizens no matter how hard we try to adapt ourselves in their society. But so what?
We are indeed different from them.

I think now it is time for the Americans to learn some estern cultures/languages for a change!

Sorry for my long message!

Good luck in your study/visit in Colombia U.! (I went there quite often in the past. Have you found the little owl hidden under a female statue?)

nowhereman

2009-01-20 13:44 nowhereman

回應: 紐約上西城小傳5__Yellow Fever:台灣女孩vs.中國女人

of course you can only generalize...but i agree with your views on the difference between taiwanese and chinese girls...
Taiwanese are not as competative in many other areas either...
i don't think they are truly smarter than we are, but those who got to go overseas are definitely those highly competative ones - after all they have got more than billion population in mainland...

2009-01-20 07:24 frances

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